Salem's Lot (1979)

Hello, I'm Guy Strange and what you are about to read is an account of the mad and macabre..no I won't do all that but instead have a butchers hook of this review of Salems Lot..... Tobe Hoopers foray into the world of TV horror and what a job he did.

Why did you watch it:

I may as well confess. I had to deal with basic primal fear when watching Salems Lot, the kind of illogical fear of something you can only experience as a child. And in Salems Lot, I discovered my first experience of screen terror.

My babysitter, instead of letting me see her boobs, let me watch this on TV as a child of eight, nice of her.

I will never forget the moment the youngest Glick brother floats outside the window, eyes dead, with a manic grin on his face. Ben Mears would have said he was 'sweating scared' I would say I was more shit scared.

I was a big baby really, I had to get up during the night and watch Return of the Jedi with my dad till I calmed down. The comforting feeling you get when teddy bears take down a Galactic Empire...phew! Feel better now.

Salem's Lot really has my respect as the first film/TV show to scare the living shite out of me so becomes my first entry in the Macabre Review.

The teeth:

Ben Mears arrives in the town of Jerusalem's Lot as it is inspiration for his new novel. He lived in the town as a child and had creepy experience. No, nothing to do with PE teachers, just seeing the dead Hubie Marsden hanging by his neck in his house overlooking the town.

Anyway Ben Mears left town and became a famous writer, although I've never come across any of his stuff.

Things start brightly for Ben, he looks like David Soul, he is famous, has great hair, cops off with some pretty girl and catches up with his old teacher. Then the Vampires come and bugger everything up.

Thankfully when I say Vampires, I don't mean Robert Pattinson, or any of the cast of Vampire Diaries or Tru Blood. These Vampires don't have sex as they are fucking dead for a kick off, are 'creatures of the night' in the best sense in that they are mindless parasites feeding off the living (usually their family members) and spreading like a plague across the town.

Only Ben Mears can stop them! Good job he came to town then.

All these events seem to tie in with the arrival of Ben and a new owner of the Marsden House, the strange Straker played by the stiff James Mason. Although Mr Straker is strange you want to see his partner Mr Barlow, not one to piss off for sure.

As the towns numbers begin to dwindle, Ben teams up with Horror buff Mark Petrie and his new shag to defeat the bloodsucking fiends!

It all leads to a tense showdown in...yep you guessed it ..THE MARSDEN HOUSE!

Does it Suck? 

Although its dated, Salems Lot still packs a punch, the vampires are creepy, maybe even my favourite incarnation of the vampire creature. Heck maybe I'm just a nostalgic old fart who longs to shit my pants and stick Return of the Jedi on.

In short, see it. Its fang-tastic ...

No wait! What about the talent?

Ok..ok If i had to choose it would have to be Julie Cobb. Crazy hair, crazy 70s nightwear but still sexy as hell! If I was a vamp, I'd be nibbling on Julie.