Yes I was a strange child, but it has had no effect on me whatsoever, everyone I talk to in the asylum speaks very highly of me.
So what happens Guy Strange?
Well first old Mr Machen tells us a ghost story about the men at the bottom of the sea who were betrayed by the township during a foggy night, their boat redirected to the rocks and killed.
The video below is the opening story in full:
...this guy knows how to tell a fucking story.
But its only the start.
The town happens to be 100 years old and celebrating, little do they know Blake and the boys are back in town with meat hooks and knives to crash the party.
So weird things start happening in the town...car alarms go off, windows explode, a preacher finds gold and his ancestors diary in a wall and strangest of all Tom Atkins pulls Jamie Lee Curtis!!
Three men pissed up on a boat are murdered by Blake and the gang, the first of six as there were six conspirators that were involved in the initial betrayal 100 years before.
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| Not something he ate.. |
However, for me, the highlight of this movie is Adrienne Barbeau as Stevie Wayne. Great voice, hot, feisty but has a poor record collection.
Stevie Wayne runs the lighthouse, which doubles as the local radio station playing music from the fucking 50s by the sounds of it.
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| Don't think I have any Vanilla Ice.. |
Stevie has a son, Andy who finds what he thinks is a gold coin, but then turns into a plank of wood with 'Dane' on it.
Andy take the plank back to Stevie, who for some reason decides to take it to work, where something strange happens, when she hears a funny voice coming out of the radio doing his best Barry White impression, and Stevie notices the wood does not say 'Dane' but for a split second say 'Six Must Die!'
That gets Stevie thinking 'something strange is going on here...'
So the night of the 100 year anniversary arrives, Father Malone has been reading the diary he found in that wall, as he'd already worn out his copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, in which his ancestor confesses to the lie the town was built on.
It turns out the men at the bottom of the sea in the opening ghost story, were led by a man named Blake and were a leper colony. Naturally the town wanted rid but the lepers had something the town wanted...GOLD!
So being human beings, the town ship killed two birds with one stone by betraying Blake and his men by leading them to their deaths on a foggy night, as the clipper ship Elizabeth Dane crashed into the rocks off Spivey Point and the town was built off this stolen gold.
So no S&M or whips and chains in this book Father. Might be a grower though.
Next up, the boat where the three winos were killed on has been found by Nick Castle and his new screw Elizabeth, only one of the dead blokes decides to go for a walk only to fall over dead again, but not before scaring poor Jamie Lee Curtis half to death and being able to carve the number 3 into the floor to remind everyone there are still 3 left out of the 6 to kill.
Its safe to say that not all is normal around Antonio Bay.
Time to get the fuck out of dodge? Not Nick Castle and his side kick the foxy Jamie Lee, he is on the best shag of his life and he ain't going anywhere till the mystery is solved!
So Stevie Wayne is in the lighthouse, bored to tears with the shitty music, had noticed the fog doing weird things too, glowing, moving against the wind etc...and calls her 'potential' beau Dan Dan the Weather man...
However Dan doesn't take her serious, and as the Fog arrives outside his door, promptly gets a knock at the door and a meat hook in the neck for his troubles.
Next up for the chop is the poor old dear who is babysitting for Andy, Stevie Wayne's son. By this time Stevie is on the radio, having heard Dan being murdered over the phone, and is warning people about the Fog and begging someone to rescue her son as she can see the Fog heading to her house....
Somehow the Fog becomes aware of her warnings to the town and turns and heads for the light house! Stevie shits herself and locks the doors.
Meanwhile Nick and Liz turn up at Stevie Wayne's house in time to rescue Andy and head for the only part of town not covered by the Fog, the Church.
So we have Stevie trapped in the light house and a motley crew of people trapped in the church being attacked from all sides by the zombies, its a thrilling ending.
Then Blake turns up ...the man himself
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| Blake |
Father Malone finally parts with the church bling and offers Blake his gold back...which he promptly takes and Blake and the Fog disappear.
Everyone relaxes, phew!
Father Malone starting thinking...hang on..something wrong here. Only five were killed, why not six Blake why not...erm...Father...behind you..!
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| Did I leave the oven on again... |
Experience:
Like I said, I grew up with this movie thanks to my older brother who is the original movie geek, I can't remember when I first saw it but always thought it had so much atmosphere and creepy music.
Its my favourite horror movie, it has the balance right between what is shown/what is not shown, it has an excellent score, and drips with atmosphere.
I truly believe this is so underrated and a lot of my friends had never seen it until I would thrust a copy into their hands and say by god man, put that copy of Saw aside and watch this! ONLY then can we resume our bromance. I will forget this ever happened!
So the important stuff Guy, the flange?
Well this is really tough, you have the scream queen herself Jamie Lee Curtis in one corner, and the milf Adrienne Barbeau.
Its close but in this movie...Barbeau gets the fish
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| She looks this good first thing in the morning.. |
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