The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Hi I'm Guy Strange, and what horror movie collection is not complete without this once banned video nasty, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre?

So what happens Guy Strange?

Well funny you should ask...

A van load of friends are out on a road trip across Texas to try and find a house belonging to a relative of Sally, our large breasted and very screamy heroine, played whole heartedly by Marilyn Burns.
Sally's brother is Franklin, who is in a wheel chair and rolls down a hill in the opening scene much to everyones amusement. Now this guy is certain chain saw fodder if ever there was one.

Making up the rest of the friends are Kirk and Pam, the young lovers. Kirk looks like a bit of a hero and Pam is reading star charts that indicate something bad on the horizon. No shit Pam :)

Jerry is the driver, who kind of has a bit of flirting going on with Sally, and had this been a romantic comedy I would have loved to see those crazy kids get it together, however Jerry is hit in the head with a mallet about 50 minutes into the movie, so sorry to those Notting Hill fans but no romance here.

So after picking up a strange hitchhiker, who they promptly dump when he turns out to be a complete lunatic they stop off at a gas station that has no gas... before finding the broken down old house.

After hearing about a local water spot, Kirk and Pam wander off to their doom. Kirk decides to bother the local farmhouse to see if there is any gas. Pam waits outside.

Kirk wanders in as the door is unlocked, hears a wierd pig screeching sound and decides to go in anyway. Stumbles and out of no where comes Leatherface to smash him over the head with a large hammer.
Pam is next, as she follows Kirk into the most disgusting house you have ever seen, I mean green wallpaper - what were they thinking!?!
Anyway Leatherface dumps Pam on a meathook and decides to get to work dismantling her boyfriend with a chainsaw.

So yep, pretty gruesome stuff. Meanwhile back at base, Jerry decides to go find Kirk and Pam. Wanders to the house..and well as I mentioned Leatherface does his thing again.

Its now dark. Sally and Franklin are left and as they are making their way through some woodland poor old Franklin is next as Leatherface now uses his chain saw and legs poor old Sally for what seems like an age, through the house, back outside and back to the gas station.

This is where we meet the other brother played brilliantly by Jim Siedow and his twisted maniac face.

I'd like to say he and Sally really hit it off and he takes her for dinner and a show, but instead he gags her and takes her back to a family dinner, served by Leatherface, now dressed as a woman and eating her friends to add to the glamour.

They wheel out their poor old grandpa, the greatest killer there ever was but fortunately grandpa is half dead and pretty much fucking useless now and she gets away by throwing herself out of a window. Running into the new days dawn and thankfully just in time to stop some passing trucks.

The film ends iconically with Leatherface, now pissed off as Sally big boobs got away, swinging his (live) chainsaw around like a spoilt child and almost hitting the camera man a couple of times.

Experience

I saw TCM for the first time in the cinema when the stuffy British film board classification dudes decided I was in my right mind to finally watch mindless violence.
There were two people in the audience that day, me and my then girlfriend and it was brilliant. No I didn't get a hand job off her, it was purely the raw intensity of the movie. I'd never felt that terror since Salems Lot all them years ago and it was a strange experience.

The moment

It has to be the moment Kirk stumbles on the boards in the house and Leatherface appears and smashes him. Kirk wriggles on the floor in shock as Leatherface drags him into his room and slams the metal door. I was knocked for six.

It then cuts to Pam waiting outside, she gets up and walks to the house. Honestly I was thinking DONT GO IN THERE! I mean what was wrong with me? this is a fucking horror film, of course she has to go in, but I admit I was a little rattled at that point.
My GF leans over and says she is scared, 'yeah its good' I managed to squeek out as manly as possible, shaken to my bones.

I've seen it several times since and it does not have the effect it had on the cinema, I feel truly lucky to have caught it. I'm not a fanny really you know :)

Final thoughts

Well its a stone wall classic. It has great visuals, its grimy, its horrific without needing to show everything, it has a great soundtrack. For me its up there with the best if not thee best. I am bias however as I saw it on the big screen and it blew me away.

So any ass?

Well apart from Leatherface dressed as a woman, it has to be Marilyn Burns and the smuggled peanuts.